Born Resilient

20 April 2018

Born Resilient: True Stories of Life’s Greatest Challenges
by Allan Kehler
Published by Your Nickel’s Worth Publishing
Review by Shelley A. Leedahl
$17.95 ISBN 978-1-988783-02-4

Born Resilient: True Stories of Life’s Greatest Challenges is the third book I’ve reviewed by Saskatoon writer, counsellor, and motivational speaker Allan Kehler, and it’s my favourite. In this non-fiction book about suffering, hope, and resilience, Kehler introduces each chapter then allows some of the people he’s met on his own journey to take the stage. We hear from men and women who’ve each hit rock bottom in some way, and learn how, in their own words, they climbed out of their individual valleys. Perhaps nothing’s more powerful than candid personal testimonies. In sharing theirs, the writers lend others hope that they, too, can turn their lives around.

The book opens with a foreward from an ex-NHL goalie who, like the author, confesses that he’s “seen the dark side” (addiction, mental illness) and has “risen above”. In his usual clear writing style, Kehler explains that his motivation for writing this book came from a young woman who’d suffered an abusive childhood. She silently revealed the scars on her forearms, and Kehler’s response was “Scars are a sign of survival. You are clearly a fighter … and you have my utmost respect.” An inspired response, and the girl left the meeting with “her head held high”.

It’s Kehler’s belief that “nothing is more sacred than having someone share their story with you”. Readers may or may not personally relate to the hardships contributors relay – from debilitating accidents and illness to abuse of all kinds – but they’ll no doubt applaud the courage demonstrated here, and learn how even when one’s life is truly a living hell, there is hope.

In Chapter One Kehler advises that people pay attention to their emotional pain, which he says has more impact on lives than physical pain. He directs readers to acknowledge emotional pain, “sit” with it, and “identify its source,” for if “toxic emotions” aren’t released, the sufferer may turn to unhealthy behaviours like abusing drugs, problem gambling, or sex addiction. Having a spiritual connection greatly helps.

Sometimes it takes a book like this to realize how some people survive the near-impossible every day, like the woman who was sexually abused as a toddler and began drinking at age six. She writes: “Without drugs or alcohol, I was unable to live in my own skin,” and today she’s a mental health and addictions counsellor. We meet a man who lost his three beloved children in a car accident: he describes undealt-with emotional pain as a sliver that, left untreated, gets infected. One woman writes of being gang-raped at age 14, another was brought up in a cult, and we hear from the mother of a fentanyl addict who admits that resilience also includes “having the courage to know when to hang on and when to let go”.

And imagine being the woman who wrote: “On November 25, 1990, my ex-husband, Tom, shot and murdered my sons as they slept”. Resilience.

We all know someone who’d benefit from reading this sincere book. I’m glad it’s available.


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